does it pay-off? will it? i mean, who's to say it won't happen again? one can't tell for sure. in the other hand, what if it has nothing to do with that and it's just for the sake of having an excuse, while really wanting the opposite? because, you know, there's a kind of excuse one creates mainly, if not exclusively, for oneself, a personal justification if you will, a disguise of a lie. that way one gets to keep the what if, which is always cool. however, something tells me it's not that, it's something stronger, way beyond the self-protection that protects no more than it illudes. i think i know what it is and time, as usual, will tell. if i'm right and if it pays-off, that is. hope so.